Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. 87. A mind is like a parachute. 207. 1. 51. Today I was a hero. Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). I have committed to being my most outstanding self. At night, I cant fall asleep. In the morning, I cant get up. 235. 102. Be careful when you follow the masses. 40. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? 2. - Irish Saying. Every time I like the taste of the food, I am damn sure that its unhealthy for me. 6. Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre overwhelmed, stressed, or just dealing with negative self-talk. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. 71. Edward A. Murphy. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. 74. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. 209. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? A backbone. Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? Laughter brings me closer to people. Life always offers you a second chance. 104. 167. Albert Einstein, 190. If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Charles M. Schulz. Because he was always spotted. - Christopher Reeve. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. 192. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. 153. Decomposing. Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth., 9. "We . Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. There are endless opportunities. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. It will warm you twice unknown. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. 3. 212. Need to send some positive energy your way? 229. Sam Levenson. 226. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. I believe in what's possible for me. Czech proverb, 261. Czech proverb So, why not team them up? Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. 2. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. Over time, when you use these affirmations, your mind begins to equate new words with weight loss. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. 67. 69. 221. Robert A. Heinlein Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. 20. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? 37. With a cowculator. Helen Giangregorio Learn sign language, its very handy. 223. 84. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. Daily affirmation: your hair is so much better than it was in middle school., 2. 1. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. Ted Turner. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. I enjoy every minute of it. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. 111. I am my childs greatest comfort. 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. I am just making myself capable enough to live in the moment. 98. 68. Thank God Im an atheist. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. Dont worry about those who talk behind your back, theyre behind you for a reason., See also: The Best List Of 130 People Talk Behind Your Back Quotes. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. In the morning, I cant get up. And get over it. Not everyone has good taste. 147. Yeah, so is a grenade. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. 258. 38. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. 223. 140. Cindy from Marzahn. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. Alison Boulter. I am enough. We frequently doubt ourselves. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. Today, I choose to put on my positive pants. 14. Theres life without Facebook and internet? On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. 131. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. 5. 117. Nothing, they just waved. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. 26. Why did the school kids eat their homework? Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. 17. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. 9. Affirmations can either be written down, spoken out loud, or visualized in the form of a conversation between money and you. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. May life man not be perfect, but Im blessed., 13. I train my body. You never run out of things that can go wrong. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny., 4. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! To thrive in life you need three bones. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. 2. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. 81. They log in. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. Sincerely, yourself. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. Infographic: What is the Ultimate Commitment. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. When life closes a door, just open it again. 107. 93. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. I see food, and I eat it. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. Groucho Marx. 157. Any text will do. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. 273. I am intelligent. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? You can use affirmations to alleviate pressure in highly stressful scenarios, like taking an exam or going to a job interview. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. 162. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. I am on a seafood diet. Frances McDormand 178. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. Its okay if people dont like me. And a funny bone. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? 238. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. Look, youre smiling! Albert Einstein My sense of humor makes the world a better place., 8. Life begins on Friday night. Theres no stopping me now. I am positive. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. Best friends eat your food. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes., 2. But you're not as old as you're going to be.". Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". I love living in my unique female body. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. Does it count if you say them in your mind? Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Share them with your friends and colleagues and make them smile too. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. Microchips. 257. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. It was created to do amazing things. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. grateful. 263. 245. Robert Bloch. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. Why is England the wettest country? "It's only WednesdayHang in there!". Roy Lichtenstein Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. 261. Steve Martin Flip Wilson What do computers eat for a snack? Looking for positive funny affirmations? Franklin Jones, 259. They have shown me exactly who I do not want to be., 15. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. Bill Murray, 251. 142. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. My mistakes dont define me. 1. Milton Berle, 245. In between, I am alive. Have a look! About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. Some people are like clouds. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. Ive got three bones. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. 267. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. You try again, but no sound is coming out. 185. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. 264. I understand success cant happen overnight. 234. 144. My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. 126. Shoot for the moon. Your email address will not be published. 213. I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. Cry a river. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. 9. I can do this. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. 28. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. My mom scolds me for no reason. Your habits become your values. 5. 7. First, read the most powerful affirmations below to build a strong mind. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. Everyone brings happiness to this office. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. I am fine. But then again so does . He who laughs last didnt get it. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. - Catherine Pulsifer. Pat Sajak "You're in mint condition for a vintage model. Why become moody when you can shake your booty. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. But even if this does happen, who cares? So far, so good. At night, I cant fall asleep. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Run. See more ideas about sarcastic, funny quotes, funny. 70. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. Envelope. 194. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. The rest are too expensive. 110. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. 121. 173. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. Well, life isn't just about glitz and glamour nor rainbows and butterflies. Socrates. 115. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. ~ Bill Gates. "Have a great Wednesday. A gummy bear. 133. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. 271. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. Whatever the case may be, these 15 affirmations will make you feel confident in your sense of humor: Once youre feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. 29. Things are getting better all the time. Choose words that make you feel confident about yourself. 80. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield., 10. But it'll move up again.". Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. All you need is love. 35. Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. 212. 1. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. What do I do for a living? Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. 1. 87. Remember, What consumes your mind, controls your life., 7. 224. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. My liver still works. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. I make the right choices every time. 202. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. My mood swings keep life interesting. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. 18. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday., 15. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. 'If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.'. Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. Actually, you dont have to imagine. Allow your body to absorb the positivity of your words by repeating them to yourself. My body deserves healthy food and exercise, not junk food or laziness. 4. 16. 249. Funny affirmation quotes funny quotes about affirmation. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. Life always offers you a second chance. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. I can always think of something funny to say. Decomposing. 118. 101. You never run out of things that can go wrong. 156. Chris Rock, 256. 1. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.". 27. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. I tell you what always catches my eye. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. I can't make everyone happy, I'm not tequila. Bill Murray Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. Franklin Jones 123. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. 120. 137. 59. 106. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. I am confused between what I like the most hanging out or posting that I hung out. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield. 108. 156. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Rodney Dangerfield, 198. 125. 50. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. 60. Erma Bombeck 91. 148. 54. 97. 145. I'm doing great. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. 236. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. Never let anyone waste your time twice. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. happy. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. They are a powerful tool you can use to change your attitude, your perspective on life and shift from a negative to a positive mindset. Albert Einstein. I always find something funny in every situation. 46. 176. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. 26. Its okay, he woke up. 47. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. ". I thought you said extra fries. 232. 182. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. I see the funny side of life more and more. 178. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. 128. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. Never forget that broken crayons can also color. Read next: 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset, Posted on Published: January 26, 2023- Last updated: January 27, 2023, Home 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, Fabulous List Of 120 Cute Names To Call Your Crush, 120 Follow Your Dreams Quotes To Keep You On The Track. 233. 132. All rights reserved. 175. Just like every Monday does on Earth. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. 26. 96. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life. 8. Youre talking to yourself. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. 228. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. 160. Walter Bagehot Today I will embrace the poop., 7. 153. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. I am attractive just as I am. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! 1. 236. Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win., 5. 134. Chris Rock Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. 45. 23. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? 1. Effective pushing often involves poop. My mind is becoming much sharper. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. This is a snap. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. I enjoy every minute of it. 203. Ive got three bones. no rich foods. 169. 218. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. Why did the can crusher quit his job? It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. 109. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. I never apologize. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. Breasts dont have eyes. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? A backbone. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. 15. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Allow yourself to laugh if you feel the need. Similar to how it's important to minimize distractions in the workplace, you need a few minutes of peace to focus and mindfully say your affirmations. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. He who laughs last didnt get it. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? I did not trip and fall. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. 205. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. East New year, new me. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 22. I understand people talking about me. I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. 21. Sometimes the M is silent. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. 8. 4. Use them throughout the day whenever you experience negative thoughts. I am noticing that others are more drawn to me because I am funny. "Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.". Wonderwoman: single. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. 276. I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. I am loving all the bad experiences because they are giving me something . Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. A wishbone. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. 267. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. I am so f*cking awesome. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. Steve Martin, 254. 259. Give your body time to absorb the positivity and let go of negative thoughts. It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. Can February march? 127. Short Funny Quotes. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. The only power you have is the word no. 105. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. 9. 228. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. Learn sign language, its very handy. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. Stressed spelled backward is desserts. 105. 269. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. 180. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. We may speak different languages, but we all laugh the same. Because it was soda pressing. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. You can only be young once. Steven Alexander Wright 28. - Roy T. Bennett. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. We have a connection. It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok. Love your enemies. 206. - Benjamin Franklin. 1. Im like a postage stamp. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Funny positive affirmations do work. 271. 26. Nothing, they just waved. 215. Theres life without Facebook and internet? So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. 120. 50. 3. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 234. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text.
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