The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. 20. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. Why do golfers hate cake? Clubbing. I play Bass. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. the flag cant jump. Their expectation, however, is very different. He attacks it. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. How Long Does It Take to Play 18 Holes of Golf? Your email address will not be published. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. ~ Sijin Bt. Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. Eight. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. Im a friend and all Im going to do is give it a nice little ride. Sam Snead, 35. Dave Hill, My swing is then adjusted / as words take off and fly / And landing safe beyond the trap / to make the devil cry. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. 22. Golf is more complicated than that. Boo who? His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. fodrizzle. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. See photos about 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes from Golf Digest Roarin' Mcllroy These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. You okay with that? Or under. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. What did the golfer say after performing yoga? So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. Tommy Armour, 40. Your email address will not be published. First and foremost, you must have confidence. 2. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? Kurt Philip Behm, Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease. I prayed that I would react well if I missed. Chi Chi Rodriguez, 44. Knock, knock Keep your head down. However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. Tiagra. You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. They say golf is like life, but dont believe them. Tahiti who? Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Have fun. Are you into kinky stuff? I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! Choose Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. On the Green In Two. 8. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. 8. 3 of 10. The smile looks really good on you. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? Whos there? The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. "The value of routine; trusting your swing." - Lorii Myers. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. P.G. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. Which is the easiest golf stroke? The end. The fourth putt! Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. 5. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. He said. Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. The Dalai Lama himself. If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. Are you a water hazard? Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Are you looking for some funny jokes? Dirty Golf Sayings. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. Chip Shot. And it's damn funny. Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember Thats incredible. All through the night they made wild love together. If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. I've got some good news. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. 5. Big pupils lead to big scores. Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? After 18 holes I can barely walk. Do you share these funny golf jokes? 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. The most redundant thing on a golf course is a ball-washer on a hole with water hazards. And it matters how we go about attaining them. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! My shaft is bent. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. Nothing it should have ducked. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? Golf Quotes About Life 22. If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". nay I my child, and eke, oh! The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. Required fields are marked *. You look like someone who likes to swing. Everyday I'm Schauffele. So that you can share them back, with the whole world. I`m really worried about myself. Why are computers such naturally good golfers? So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. Ben Hogan. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. 5. ~ Victor Hugo. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? Bruce Lansky, Author. It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. Bruce Lansky. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.. Gardner Dickinson, Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. 9. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. My caddy says I should use a hard 7. Do you know why the game is called golf? You must remember not to remember to think. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. 3. Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. I never prayed that I would make a putt. Many of these expressions of life, result in taking the form of wishes, quotes, greetings, messages, and captions. "Damn, my shaft is all bent." A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. How do you know you should be a golfer? Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Lift your head and spread your legs. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Funny Family Poems. And three, have a passion for what youre doing. Juli Inkster, 28. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. So, what are your thoughts? "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". Id cry too if I played golf like you. Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? How far do you hit it? said Palmer. Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. Your email address will not be published. I just havent played yet. Muhammed Ali, I mean, who else could say something like this? And there are windmills. I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. I give him the driver. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? Please sign up with your best email address. When is it too wet to play golf? Full Text: The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things Features: Size: 7x36 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging. "I'm the best. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. Fore! Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. Golf is like doing your taxes. The 19th hole. Correct one fault at a time. Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty Full Text: Keep Calm and Go For A Run Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Beware Of Owner ~ The Dog Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. Im the best. The other 20. Its not just enough to swing at the ball. Peter Jacobson, 33. Lift your head and spread your legs. Happy Gilmore. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. Whos there? H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. Short Golf Sayings And Quotes For Good Luck Shots, Funny Golf Quotes For Ladies And Gentlemen, TOP 30 Best Sayings On Theory | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Sayings On Sweet Love | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Notable Quotes About Subtle | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Quotes About Volunteerism | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Top Quotes About Snuggle | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 27+ Revolutionary Sayings On Hysterical | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Favorite Sayings About Hypocrites | Free Hd Background Images Download, 92+ Meaningful Sayings About Hypocrisy | Free Hd Wallpaper Images Download, 21+ Creative Sayings About Hypnosis | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, 12+ Beautiful Sayings On Hype | Free Hd Background Pictures Download. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. I hope you can use them for your game and as inspiration. What did the duck say to the golf ball? We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. What did Sir Mixalot say after sinking a 14-footer on the green, saving a terrible 3rd stroke into the rough? Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? They dont have the heart for it. Twelfth son of the Lama. Damn, girl. Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. Required fields are marked *. Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. But you cant just forget not to think. Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. When your golf cart capsizes. Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. 4. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. It bends a little to the left. Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! 5. Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. happen again! Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. Make your partner smile with these adult golf jokes. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. They like cricket better. / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? Harry Vardon, There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice. Sometimes a good joke can lighten up the mood. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! "Golf is my profession. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! There are no absolutes in golf. If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. Watch their eyes. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. I know what to look for. When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. You want some dirty golfing jokes, we got them for you. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. 3. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. In case he gets a hole in one. 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